🎊 2021 Brief Recap 🎊

It’s been a year passed and everything goes pretty fast. 2021 is an adventurous year. Full of tears, joy, anomaly, life lessons, brand new things. Yet I made longlisted every terrible thought I had during this year 👀

It began from an ache I write at the first post this year, heavy cough. I see the doctor and get my lung infected, called bronchopneumonia. It didn’t surprise me since I have struggled in breathing, even saying a single word is hard for me. The worst thing is, I had another test and found out that I also get tuberculosis in my lungs.

…….. 😭😭

All those diagnoses physically and mentally drained me a lot. I was scared that people would see me differently cause I’ve had a heavy cough since day one. Meanwhile, the pandemic seems to have no exact time to stop. So that, I decide to make distance myself from people (tbh for the sake of my sanity). Most of the time, I set myself in a ‘do-not-disturb’ mode. that’s why I push people away. (I'm sorry guys😪)

And also, I have a stomach issue. I almost throw up on every meal, losing my appetite for weeks and losing my weight by 8 kgs. Those illnesses were sucks so bad. I think they bring me to hit my rock bottom, so damn hard 😢

And again, questioned me if I enjoy the place where I was supposed to. Thanks to anyone who greets me so I don’t feel like an alien.

Is it normal if I think everyone has their own war during their life? cause I had it one on my mind. I think I’m fine with the solitude. I’m fine with myself. until I find myself starving for someone’s presence at the end of the day. On the other hand, I need to dive my self deeper to find out the reason how I can be so indifferent at the same time 👉👈

I used to keep what I felt for myself. As my circle gets smaller, I think not many people can actually relate to others’ problems and have genuine sympathy for them. Giving space to let another human come into my life is such a big deal. It’s not something I can handle easily and I try with it.

By the end of the year, i can say that I’ve magically (lol) survived. Yeah. I’ve passed my 6 months of rifampicin, normally breathing (seems like that though idk inside), and living my life as no bad thing happen. I’m so done with the gloomy old days yet I hope I can still laugh at things I’ve messed up like I don’t care and take a pearl of wisdom from it 💫✨